For whom the bells didn’t toll:

hare rama hare Christ-na

I am an Indian by birth, descent and other such categories. Religion to me came naturally, but the questions that aroused from it were quite unnatural. I would be standing folded-hands in front of framed photographs of at least three or four gods and goddesses daily after bath, close eyed praying mostly for I don’t know what. Was this devotion? I would see mom bathing those miniscule idols and framed photos, serving fruits and water as their lunch and wrapping it up by chanting mantras and circling them with an incense stick. Was this religion?

And then I started pelting my queries to a rather annoyed mom. Was she playing home sweet home every morning with those dolls? Was her favourite god, Shiv, going to fetch me high marks in my examinations without my studying for it? Would I get my cycle if I added a minute more to my prayer sessions each morning? One day there was a rumour that Ganesh was drinking up all the milk being offered to him and suddenly his idols and pictures were an immediate fashion statement. He was being adorned on t-shirts, pendants, wall pieces etc…you see the rock star was in vogue. Could this fervour then be religion?

I was growing up rather fast and my generic statements were becoming more and more specific. Religion in India meant division of nations, didn’t it? Was not Pakistan evidence enough? I remember one evening under the rather severe persuasion of mom I accompanied her to an ashram to attend the aarti, whereby the bookstore there became my refuge. As I was buying abridged versions of different holy books, the guy behind the counter refused to sell me all those books to me at a time! I was exasperated. Was this the limitation of religion?

Journeys acquainted me with various versions of gods available throughout India. Stones, books, trees, snakes, cows, sun, moon, planets all comprised the entity of god. Was this religion? I rather regard it as the belief of the simple minds of my citizens. And the strength of simplicity. On a broader platform with my dad endorsing religion as humanity, I got to see through it.

India is using religion as a political tool for obtaining communally scented votes. It is a charming business proposition. People who defy new medical entries and refuse to invest in it willingly give up a huge proportion of their income in the name of god. Till today nobody could answer me if god’s blessing was on sale. And what was it worth. Indians have been blinded a far many too times by the lure of planetary powers and so on and unluckily for the malfunctioning of those very planets they have been outsmarted by the clever species.

Devotion and religion were habit, curiosity and a challenge for me respectively. And then I took the pain of understanding it. Wouldn’t it be good if I didn’t have someone writing such an outrageous piece on my belief like this? Nobody could, nobody can. For, for me religion is the formal attire of my devotion, which is the structure of my inner belief. My belief being that my actions inscribe my fate.

I guess in the process of speaking out against god, I have completed my assignment. For those who buy god’s blessings I did get it for free. My mom still goes about her daily regime, if so, only more strictly and why not? She feels she’s got a defiant daughter like me who’s not going to do well in life because she questioned religion.

I am 22, married, pursuing M.A in English from Calcutta University. Simultaneously also attending a post grad diploma course in mass communication and journalism at Jadavpur University. Tell me do you believe her? Or would you just let her be…