1. Crisis:
The inspiring voice,
And I;
Alone- letting time
Wash us by.
Breaking, shattering,
No hopes remain.
My soul and I-
Are lost again.
Eternity, beauty?
Love and trust?
All but loud barks-
Blank question marks…
Mingling into infinity,
With the crisis of identity.
2. Intoxication:
In schools of
Logy’s and ism’s,
Clash my own
Rhymes with reasons.
Reasons- irrational.
Rhymes- mechanical.
I let out a puff of smoke.
I gulp down a cup of caffeine.
I lose myself,
Down memory-lane.
Smoke mingles
With the unknown,
Coffee drunk
Bitterly alone.
My reasons irrational.
My rhymes mechanical.
Escaped have I,
With expressions erratic.
Or have I become-
A thinking lunatic?
3. Short-sightedness:
Like an abundance of
Atmospheric hydrogen,
I find myself burdened,
With innumerable questions.
Do we a decision make-
Or a verdict, tolerantly take?
What distances-
The right from wrong?
What takes-
A judgement, so long?
What ties the ‘e’ to motion?
Could not it be,
Just another potion?
The inertia of escapism…
A deliberate indulgence,
Or, a rupture of reason?
1 comment:
I am giving you a very detailed critical assessment : I don't know why u r specially fond of ur 2nd poem - ofcourse its very good , but the others r as good , atleast in parts . infact I like the beginning of poem 3 more than the beginning of poem2 . Infact the beginning is the weakest portion of 2 , ( I know u r very fond of it and will give me Shilpi's favourite gali , but still I will say all this ) - bcoz when u question the logies and isms so openly it sounds slightly overtly and conventionally rebellious. the same problem is there towards the end of poem1(which is otherwise a very good poem - brief with a wonderful choice of words, which is very essential for short poems) where u call love,etc. hollow barks - here u r being conventionally anti conventinal emotions. The other portions r more original.Poem2's refrain is very good.
The reasons why I have been so critical about the poems: 1)The poems r very good and u know the plus pts , so I thought point out the areas which have acopes for improvement. 2) Other visitors will read my comments and realise how erudite I am ( I want them to wonder at my potentials as a critic , which is why I am not disclosing my identity this time).
P.S.A word of Gyaan - I know u think ur 2nd poem is the best, but let it not be the best forever.
- The Inexhaustable.
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