Outdated!

'What's with the date, Dhwani?' Arindam inquired with concern. The day was semi-dark, semi-stormy. From my window I could see a spare squirrel trying to run around the heavy branch, from nothing, perhaps in search of a companion. Arindam was being too nice to me. I wonder why. Not that I had to avoid any kind of indecent advances from him. He was a friend from my coaching center five years back. I was studying then to qualify to teach. He was not from this city, sincere and genuine. The problem began with him falling head over heels in love with me. Why does it always get complicated with love? This was pure text-book material, his commitment. 

The interview is on 6th, stupid! I had blurted out. It was a miserable slip. 'What's with the date, Dhwani?' Arindam had inquired. The date. Should I tell him? Where do I begin? It unfolds each year like an episode from a long lost fat novel one does not read because of its thickness, but returns to, because of its ease. 6th. I begin. I hope it won't break your heart, Arindam, and I won't lose the friend in you. 

'Would you like to know of the date, Arindam? Each year, backwards?' I courageously blurted the question, finally.

'Yes.' His integrity unnerved me.

'Well then. The 6th of this month. Let me trace each year through. This year, I became a decade old. Of a dead institution. Yesterday I was consumed with the odd happenings in my life, where I stand, without a job, without financial stability, without a companion, without success and fame. Yesterday, I decided on what my calling was, for life. I could not decide on anything else, could not work on anything else. My calling is here!' Will he hate me because I am a sucker for popularity? Oh God, no! Let me quickly move to the year before.

'The year before, Arindam, I was offered the job, in full-time capacity, to teach. One solid source of guaranteeing reputation and stability. Which I gave up earlier last month.'

Arindam held my hand in a never before gesture of understanding.

'The year before, on this bloody date, I was slated for the government sector interview, remember?' I laughed thinking of the nervousness which had washed over my preparation. I was such a fool!' What are you doing on August 6th, Dhwani? Shikha had asked on the phone. I told her I would celebrate, I would mourn because of the reason. Then I asked her why she asked after it. Your name is on the interview list for that day.

'The year before, 2012, on this day, I passed the insurance examination. Arindam!!! Laugh! You had literally yielded my soul out of my skin for deviating so purposelessly! Why are you writing random examinations, Dhwani?!!

'I know. Fool. Smart fool. Continue.' Arindam spoke just like the school teacher he has now become.

'You know what happened in 2011. Try thinking it out. Come on!' I teased him delibeartely trying to script a lie in the meanwhile he would be scratching his brains for nothing he knew. 'Bugger! I had taken you along to buy the new laptop, and the silver neck-piece with the money I received that day. Pending for the two years! It seemed such a lot. Oh, Arindam! You were even shocked by the amount I was spending. I said I would. I deserve to.'

He didn't seem too convinced, but I moved on with the pace of truth.

'2010. I was in BHU. On that fateful day, I slept with one of the most charismatic men I ever knew. I was in paradise. We had a lot of bhaang after that. It was a week long bed and breakfast affair. I was overjoyed.' Arindam, coming from a small town, was visibly taken aback. How on earth would he take my history?

'Then?'

'I will now break the linear narrative, Arindam. Let me go back to 2005.'

'The suspense, Dhwani! Yes, 2005. What happened? Why is it a scar?' He seemed a little restless.

'I married Sarat that monsoon.' 

Silence. He looked at me as if I never spoke a word. Please do not exaggerate that I kept it hidden, that I lied, please Arindam. Arindam shifted his position. 'What?' That was all he could manage.

'Yes Arindam. I was once married. Much married.' 

'What happened? Did he die?' He was bitter-sweet.

'Reviving the celebrations of 2005, in 2006, Sarat handed me a car key. His choice. No discussions. And we had a rough night. Apparently I was not up to the gift he gave me earlier in the evening. Not up to the Swift.'

His look mellowed. I love his eyes. His sensitivity. 'Dhwani.'

'2007. He was away. I do not remember where he was. I was happy. Till that date. He arranged a party. I failed as a grand host. I failed in remaining sober. I failed that night too. It was a pathetic evening and a worse night.'

If only you were richer, smarter and from a city, I would love to love you, Arindam. No man I know shows such kindness. Arindam's passed me the bottle of water.

'2008. We reached Benares that morning. We checked into a decent place. He went out to oversee the saree making factories in the name of an anniversary. I was alone by the ghats wondering what I was doing in my life. I had to miss a precious CL at NSTI having joined it two weeks back. They had already shown me their disapproval. The glory of the dirty ghats by the romantic river remains in me.'

'Where did he work?'

'Birla Cement.' The bastard. 'Everyone loved him. He was successful, social and completely husband-like. 2009, he told me his gift to me was a flat. In a locality I never heard of, of the space I would cringe in. A party at the cost of a travel with my friends planned forever. He simply refused to let me go. Anyway. 2010. The decisive year. I filed for a divorce on that date. I had my Orientation at the new course I had taken up in JU. I did not miss it. Nor for the party. I reached the party after it began. He did not spare to bell me under my ear while the songs and alcohol were flowing. I gifted him the law suit later that night.'

Arindam came close to me. 'May I hug you?' This is exactly why I can never imagine loving, let alone marrying you. You are unsuitably sweet, you idiot buffoon.

'No. Not if you to still need to seek permission.' Was that too harsh?

'Dhwani, will you marry me? I promise to erase the date out of your memory vocabulary.'

What an ass! I remember each year, each incident with pride, often with fondness that I have survived. 'Is that mercy you are showering, Arindam? Sorry. You are not my type. I am too wild to be restrained by your soft-spoken sensitivity.' Oh God he might just break down. Don't cry Arindam! I will lose respect for you.

Adjusting invisible creases on his trouser, he said in a grave tone, 'I think you still love him.'

That was an ancient comment, Arindam. As ancient as Sarat. All of you are outdated. 'If that makes you happy, Arindam, I do.'