Love-Letter (LXV)

Dearest,

Months pass as easily as the minutes-hand by my watch. Whether in a Philosophy class or in Physics, we learn the same thing -- the law of no return -- so far as those moments are concerned. But I always had that one question, what if my stare locked at the dial itself? What if the hands held no other meaning than the oyster who gave up the mother-of-pearl? What if what I looked into was a sea of seasons?

Don't you think it is merely foolish that we tie ourselves in the name of "love"? While our lives were meant to be a journey of newness, it crashed against a boulder and what followed were a series of screaming red lights. That sound is the signifier of time for me -- good times and bad, and sometimes, worse. The journey, as I have been told, was given up by me rather selfishly, but I wish to hold your attention for once and let you know, there is not a day I do not hear those red lights and smell the sadness of disinfectants.

Yes, I belong to a different boundary now, and a life whose journey is defined by destinations -- Honeymoon, Birthdays, Anniversaries -- yet, if you could believe it is anything but a holiday, like we had silently exchanged. It is a tri-annual process, where I contest with myself to feel happier than the last. It is trying. It is tiring. 

And so must it be for you? Are you still tied to those tubes? Do you see dreams with those ever closed eye-lids? Are your feelings frozen? Are your feelings frozen too? I have no one to share this with, so I silently share this with you, I am frozen, frozen with life. It would make sense if you could come out of your comatose and feel the freeze. 

But none of that is ever to happen, is it not? Like this letter I write, nameless, on the deck. We are on a cruise-vacation this time, with a plethora of plans waiting to make us delighted. But I slowly sip the Bombay Sapphire instead, decorated with charred lime and flushed in lemonade. And I hear those red-screaming-lights again…Sometimes I curse you, sometimes I curse myself…I am angry, I am sad and I freeze them all with a sizzling smile…

Did the sea ever end with the changing seasons? 

I give this letter to the sea to answer, since you won't. Or maybe you will become a pirate in the future and find this ship and this letter stuck to its bottom…the alphabets washed…may be you will look it up thinking it is a treasure map, and take it back to your castle. You would live in a castle built of limestone. I saw all of that darling, as I stared into my watch. 

In my past I saw your future, both flung out of the present…

Cheers, love. To a loveless life.