Letter to Waves

Can one imagine a letter reaching you? Let me make that possible. When I was a school-going, growing girl, I once asked my mother, "What does my name mean? It sounds so unique!" It actually sounded as terrible as a misfit. She informed me it means someone who has 'long, beautifuuuuuul hair'. Huh, the irony. While at school, I had possibly the most unimpressive haircut and the most disastrous sense of style, ever. Well, mistake. The most unimpressive haircut and the most disastrous sense of style were miserably imposed upon me. I felt caged, like obedient, good girls do. And my name just added to my sense of injury.

Those were sad times. Eventually, I grew up away from my parents for a short and very impressionistic span. I felt like a bird, trying various flights -- of fancy, of delight, of wrongs and of many missions. I developed my own sense of trend and my experiments with my hair. I grew it, and cropped it close. It finally has come to terms with my casual handling and become carefully wave-y and nice. I like it, quite. It is not loud, yet distinct.

It always manages to tickle the happy hormones when cut. I got one today. Have been feeling hopelessly sad with the end of vacation. I went to this place which was out of my comfort zone. A cottage per se. Green chairs, yellow tables, elongated neat space. I got a shampoo done. It felt like having the muscles of my back relaxed, the neck and shoulder unknot their tension. And then I was handcuffed with the protective gear and put to scissor point -- that tentative moment of complete surrender. The woman asked me what I wanted. I replied, 'make me appear happy'. She was taken aback I think, so I changed to 'make me appear youthful'.

Khanchh-khanchh-khanchh. There is something about a sound that reassures that the rest is going to be fine. Like the gradual change from first to second gear. A rhythm confirmed I was going to be fine in those unknown hands, in that fantasy land of little known mirrors. I think she did a good job. The untamed waves are back to their choreographed best, and I fell light enough to surf on them! I must say I rather like this quote from Woolf's Waves, "I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me."

I am made and remade continually. How beautiful. How beautiful because it is so true. As true as the change that comes with a haircut. If only momentarily :)

Happy hormones activated. Thus, remade.
K.